Realizations

Saturday, April 28, 2018


I had a lot of realizations for the past few days, but I don’t feel like writing anything about them. I. Just. Don’t. Feel. Like. Writing. Anything.

I was feeling so bad last week. Know why? Because I’m letting other people control my life. Yes, I know. It sucks big time and I am still on the process of learning to widen my circle of influence than letting myself get eaten up by my circle of concern.

And you know what? I just realized why I am feeling sad and miserable most of the days (particularly right after I took the boards). It’s because more often than not, I ain’t getting enough sleep, unlike before. I used to sleep early. My day wouldn’t be complete if I don’t get to have enough sleep. I couldn’t stay up later than 10pm, but everything turned the other way around when I was done with all the studying and stuff. I started staying up so late until my body clock got all screwed up. So yeah, perhaps that could give an answer to my own question, on why I have been feeling this way, though I was never like this before. I used to be on the brighter side. I used to control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me, but look what’s happening now. It’s pretty much the opposite. And yeah, depressed people usually lack sleep and when one lacks sleep, hee is more prone to depression. You get the picture, yes? So we have to get enough sleep :)

I’m feeling so motivated to make myself better and I’m taking baby steps towards it. Right now, I’m trying to establish personal mission statements that would govern my decisions in life. And this time, I don’t want to pressure myself about doing this and that. I just want to start everything smoothly so I wouldn’t end up frustrated in case I fail something.

On the other note, I’ve got a long list of books to read and I am so excited to read them all. Yaay!

Anyway, I’m not sure if I am even making any sense. My words are so random, so guess that’s all for now.

I hope life’s treating you well. :)


---

sincerely,
riz

Tired But Worth It

Saturday, April 21, 2018

photo from last year

I was not in the office last Friday and dang, when I went back at work this week, I was lost. I forgot where I left off. I didn’t know where to start. We’re maintaining a zero-inbox, so I don’t actually leave in the afternoon without cleaning up, but last Monday, my inbox was bombarded with too many unread emails and my task list got so lengthy. I admit it was quite overwhelming. I didn’t have that much time to organize because there was a lot more important things to attend to. It made my mind unclear. I even went OT, but I still was not able to make it to some of my deadlines, but then I tried.

On the other note, our town had a power interruption today from 7am until 5pm and it felt great! Less distractions and I enjoyed my time talking to the people around me. I had to do my laundry before the blackout and I am so happy that I got up earlier than the usual. Also, I was pumped up to clean the whole room. It was exhausting, I must admit. Even until now, I am feeling tired, but it’s all worth it.

How are you?


---

sincerely,
riz

A Bit Unmindful

Saturday, April 14, 2018


Making a recap of what my weeks had been every end of the week is indeed a challenge. Not everyday I am inspired to be mindful about my life. Sometimes (or most of the time), I am just going with the current without even thinking if I am doing it right, but on the bright side, it helps me to at least assess what I have been doing, if I’m doing something to help myself grow, or if I am even taking  baby steps towards where I wanted to be. By far, I have been doing so little. Bad habits are so hard to drop, but I am trying. Really trying.

I noticed I have been too hard on myself. I have been pushing myself to be better, and so, I have set rules and forced myself to perfectly follow them, but truth be told, it just made me feel worse. I felt miserable. I have beaten myself up by thinking that I am the worst person ever for not being able to discipline myself.

I don’t know what I am even trying to say here or if I am even making any sense, but yeah, that’s it.

My thoughts are currently entangled. Yep, again.

Have I mindfully lived my life this week? The answer is no, that’s why I am just randomly bubbling here. Idk what else to say.

I hope you’re enjoying your weekend! :)


---

sincerely,
riz

A Little Unwell

Sunday, April 08, 2018


fourteen~

i. It’s been an unproductive week in the personal aspect of my life, but I have been a bit productive at work.

ii. I am grateful that my superiors in the office are not just mere superiors. They are becoming my mentors.

iii. I haven’t been feeling so well lately. Emotionally. And I am going with the flow, not trying to defy anything. I wanted to see what happens. Most of the time, if I’m not at work, I am just curling myself in bed without trying to do anything.

iv. Also, I tried to shut my brain from overthinking. For a week, I have been living with these words: What happens, happens.

iv. I started connecting with my friends and I realized how much I have the best people. I kept myself distant, but they always got my back.

v. My heart is happy because I had the chance to treat the fam somewhere else to celebrate my mom’s birthday. It feels so fulfilling seeing her happy and proud.

vi. I’ve splurged too much this week! For the first time, I shopped way too much! I can’t believe, but anyway, most of those are not for me. I don’t have the nerves to spend that much for shopping if it’s only for myself. Gracious goodness. Haha. And I kinda fail on tracking my expenses this week. I have been setting aside at least 25% of the amount I receive every payday, but this time I’m skipping it. I mean, bawiin ko next payday. Promise!

Ending this blog post with this reminder: “Everyone should smile. Life really isn’t that serious. We make it hard. The sun rises. The sun sets. We just tend to complicate the process.”

Uhm, how are you? :-)

---

sincerely,
riz

sincerely, riz