see you again, september

Sunday, September 30, 2018


whaaaaaat??? september is already ending??? wow! and since we’re almost about to welcome another month now, here i am with another ~currently~ entry. i’ve been trying to do this monthly but i skipped this last month. i was actually still planning to post a similar entry previously but i have been putting it off for some reason, only to realize that another month is again ending. gahd. i swear this is the fastest month of this year, so far. idk if it’s just me.

READING

i honestly haven’t been reading a book lately. the things that i have been reading for the past weeks are just random articles around the web. also, i was quite binged reading blogs of some good ol’ tumblr friends who have decided to step up their blogging games and are now on a new blogging platform. i have been in the mood to hop from one blog to another, trying to pick some inspiration up here and there, because, quite honestly, i felt like quitting already – leaving tumblr for good, but guess, that’s another story to tell. :) anyway, i’m planning to read the alchemist soon. it’s been in my to-read list since forever, but i’ve never given it some time yet.

WRITING

oh well… still, i haven’t been writing except a few stuff for this blog every now and then idk. i just couldn’t find enough drive to write, but you know, i’ve always wanted to be called a “writer,” but then, the term doesn’t fit me well. i am just a frustrated one, and most of the time, i can write only for this blog – for the sake of keeping memories through words, that someday i may read through what i’ve written, look back to how things used to be, and realize how much i’ve grown.

LISTENING

right now, i am not listening to anything in particular. just some white noise inside my room. also, i’d like to add that i have been listening to a lot of opm songs these days, especially in the office, while i am dealing with some financial figures.

THINKING

there’s a lot that’s going on in my head lately, particularly some random adulting stuff. i have been thinking about how i can manage my finances really well with all these bills at home that i’ve promised to shoulder (which i am already actually doing). and the most recent thoughts that have been occupying my mind are about having a room makeover, and on how i could get rid of all the clutter inside our home. i have been lowkey trying to indulge myself into a minimalism lifestyle since last year, and most of the days, i just want fewer things around especially at home, but my family is quite a hoarder. and so, i have been trying to think of better ways to have a clearer home without really getting rid of the things that my fam don’t wanna get rid of just yet. you know what i mean? lol. like rearranging and stuff like that. anyway, yeah, those are just a few of the things that i’ve been thinking about.

HOPING

i’m hoping that i could maintain this light feeling that i do have right now for the rest of the week at least. also, i am hoping for more motivation at work. i feel like i don’t have enough of it anymore. i haven’t been giving my best on whatever i have to handle recently. i am just not satisfied with my performance these days, and i sometimes get pissed off easily, because ugh. people. i just hope they would realize that whenever i have my earphones on, it means “i don’t wanna talk.” lol.

NEEDING

i pretty much need some sleep. i have been staying up late. i don’t know why. i used to sleep early before (by before, I mean only until I took the board lol), but dang, my body clock has been effed up, especially when i was on this stage where i wasn’t anymore studying but not yet working either, and until now that i am already employed, i find it hard to bring it back to how it used to.

FEELING

i have not stayed in too much this weekend. i’ve been out and about, which aren’t even planned, but nope, i am not complaining. so now, i am feeling tired and in dire need of sleep, but i still have some things to do, like having my uniform ironed out and tracking my finances, to name just a few. yep, i have been trying to keep track of everything that goes in and out ever since i started working, so i’d know where and when to stop splurging. anyway, i am just glad that i am feeling so light right now, actually feeling extra and a bit pumped up, but recently, i’ve had nights when i locked myself inside my room and just cried and cried and cried. i just felt frustrated of myself, also been feeling needy but had no nerves to tell it to anyone, and i just felt like i am not worthy of anyone’s time. anyway, i’ve already cried all the heavy feelings out. i even had a petty fight with mom. she has been very busy and barely had time for us and i feel sorry that i’ve been feeling needy and acting selfish and immature and was begging for her time. sorry, mom. i should have understood, but we’re all fine now. i had to knock at her door the next morning to say sorry, and i cried like a baby while she was hugging me. i am feeling all so fine now. =)

alright, that’s pretty much it! whoops, again, i wasn’t expecting that this post would turn out this long. lol. hi!

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sincerely,
riz


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