uhm... just pondering

Saturday, December 08, 2018


yeah, i just painted my nails tonight just because i’m feeling a little bit extra. the last time i actually did this was a few months ago, because well... it’s pretty hard to maintain. lol. also, i’m not so used to growing my nails long, but i still try from time to time.

and hey, it’s been a little while since the last time i’ve had my storytelling in this tiny space and i actually missed doing such. for the past weeks, i’m in torn among things. there’s a lot that i wanna do and i don’t know where to start. at some point, i even had to disconnect. also, i have been contemplating whether or not i shall continue sharing some bits & pieces of my life here, and i had to go back on why i started this blog in the first place -- to document my whatabouts so i have something to run back through once i get older. and yes, i still wanna go on. i still wanna get this blog up to date.

all the stuff that i’ve published in this blog really means a lot to me and i really couldn’t afford to lose them. they tell so much about my journey. perhaps not anyone else could put all the pieces together to complete the picture, but i can, and that’s all that matters.

i admit, there were days that i was holding back on posting stuff because i got afraid of what others might think about them, but no, this time, i have to remind myself, over and over again, that i am not doing this for anyone but me. i shouldn’t care if people read them or not. i shouldn’t care if their point of view is different from mine. i simply shouldn’t care as long as i am not stepping on anyone else.

i guess one thing that’s really holding me back from posting stuff here is the fear of undressing myself completely. i mean, the crowd is getting familiar, and i don’t know, but a part of me doesn’t want to let anyone know me too much and that’s why i got quite bothered. what if i am already oversharing stuff? but you know, this is the only platform where i overshare because who would even care, really?

so yeah, here’s me, reminding myself that no one here actually cares, and so, i shouldn’t either. i should go on with what i really enjoy doing and i should never let the demons in my head stop me from doing the things that i actually love.

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and here i am again, writing a lengthy blog post just out of impulse. well, what’s new? lol. i didn’t even notice it’s almost 1am already. yep, my calendar is still in november. hehe. alright, i gotta catch some z’s now =)

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sincerely,
riz

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