Ponder (v.)

Saturday, December 08, 2018

Yeah, I just painted my nails tonight just because I’m feeling a little bit extra. The last time I actually did this was a few months ago, because well... it’s pretty hard to maintain. Lol. Also, I’m not so used to growing my nails long, but I still try from time to time.

And hey, it’s been a little while since the last time I’ve had my storytelling in this tiny space and I actually missed doing such. For the past weeks, I’m in torn among things. There’s a lot that I wanna do and I don’t know where to start. At some point, I even had to disconnect. Also, I have been contemplating whether or not I shall continue sharing some bits & pieces of my life here, and I had to go back on why I started this blog in the first place -- to document my whatabouts so I have something to run back through once I get older. And yes, I still wanna go on. I still wanna get this blog up to date.

All the stuff that I’ve published in this blog really means a lot to me and I really couldn’t afford to lose them. They tell so much about my journey. Perhaps not anyone else could put all the pieces together to complete the picture, but I can, and that’s all that matters.

I admit, there were days that I was holding back on posting stuff because I got afraid of what others might think about them, but no, this time, I have to remind myself, over and over again, that I am not doing this for anyone but me. I shouldn’t care if people read them or not. I shouldn’t care if their point of view is different from mine. I simply shouldn’t care as long as I am not stepping on anyone else.

I guess one thing that’s really holding me back from posting stuff here is the fear of undressing myself completely. I mean, the crowd is getting familiar, and I don’t know, but a part of me doesn’t want to let anyone know me too much and that’s why I got quite bothered. What if I am already oversharing stuff? But you know, this is the only platform where I overshare because who would even care, really?

So yeah, here’s me, reminding myself that no one here actually cares, and so, I shouldn’t either. I should go on with what I really enjoy doing and I should never let the demons in my head stop me from doing the things that I actually love.


And here I am again, writing a lengthy blog post just out of impulse. Well, what’s new? Lol. I didn’t even notice it’s almost 1am already. Yep, my calendar is still in November. Hehe. Alright, I gotta catch some z’s now =)



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sincerely, riz