sentiments of an introvert

Saturday, February 23, 2019

i’m not sure if this is good or bad, or if this is just what growing up is all about, but i am just not gaining friends now as much as i do when i was still in school. i get to meet people, i get to interact with them, but they are just not those that i can consider friends. sometimes, i wonder if i am already building my walls too high, but most of the time, i think this is just the right thing.

perhaps, i actually don’t need a lot of friends, but there are times that i get worried about what other people might think of me for not having that much friends. they might think i am not a good person that people don’t wanna make friends with me, but does that even matter? this answer is on me.

these days i am becoming more introverted. i don’t know if i should be alarmed about that, given the fact that i am already in my 20′s a.k.a the "adult-ing" stage. people are expecting that i can already interact with others just like how a normal adult would, but the fact is, i still can’t. i mean, i am already lucky on those days where i get to fake it (talking to people while trying to keep all those awkwardness inside my pocket), but most of the days, i am really just an awkward potato who would prefer staying in the corner than putting myself in the middle and buzz around.

growing up, i’ve always been told that i can’t be successful if i am too shy, and that, i wouldn’t survive in a famine if i am too timid to ask for food. but hey, yes, i am shy, but that doesn’t mean i am dumb enough to let myself die from starving.

it’s just awful that, sometimes, the society doesn’t give enough space for introverts like me. everyone says go out, do this, do that, because if you wouldn’t, then you’re not living your best life, but it’s a lot more awful that i am here, listening to the voice of the society and letting it put me inside a box. while it’s a lot of pressure on me, i am also the one who is allowing to get those pressure inside then letting myself sink.

i just don’t know where to place myself sometimes.

i guess, i just have to silence the voice of this world and listen carefully to what God has been telling me. perhaps, this is all i need. this way, i would know which way to go.



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It's A Wrap: January 2019

Saturday, February 09, 2019

January, they say, was a slow month, but for me, it went just quite the average. There’s nothing much to share about the past month actually, but I’m glad that it went so fine.

I was happy and contented, I was motivated. Perhaps, it’s safe to say that I have started the year right. Yes, I had the ups, but I can’t say that those were just it. I also had my fair share of the downs during that month, but I didn’t mind about those that much because the goods still overweighed the bads.

Anyway, I happily welcomed the year with the whole family, and I am delighted that a few minutes after the clock struck 12, I saw my childhood best friend coming to our doorstep greeting us all a happy new year. Although we were inseparable back then and we live just a few steps away from each other, we kinda grew apart as the years went by, but we’re still good friends. We never fought or whatever. It’s just that, the closeness kinda faded away when we stopped being playmates and as we became busy with our own lives.

My family spent the very first day of 2019 with God, then with the whole neighborhood just as we usually do. It was a  lot of fun, although I was not anymore able to be there ‘til the end because I was just too exhausted, and I needed to rest.

And here I am, trying to put my life together once more. I started bullet journaling once again. For years of trying, I still haven’t finished a bujo ‘til the end of the year. I am just so bad at being consistent, but I’m trying to work on that, so I hope 2019 will be the year that I’ll get to finish one.

My younger cousin saw me working on my bullet journal, and she grabbed one of my notebooks and did that art above. I just had to take a photo of it because I am as sentimental as that.

I turned twenty-three, and people barely remembered it, especially that I don’t publicly show my birthday on Facebook. If my mom didn’t post my pictures with some birthday greetings as a caption (why, mom???), nobody else aside from my family and my college best friends would have known about it. I think they were the only person who actually remembered that day. And I realized that not everyone remembers birthdays just as much as I do, and I should be fine about that. Anyway, I quickly posted about this day here.

I forgot what this is called, but it’s a snack we had in the office and it’s the first time I have tried it, thus taking a picture of it. I kinda want to document my first times for this year just because. I like the taste of it, and I’m not saying no to it for the second time around. ★★★★☆

The two above are random snaps of my very first Ati-Atihan experience. I don’t enjoy crowds that much, but that time, I just didn’t care. I love the feeling of being in a place outside my hometown. Idk, but it just feels so freeing and I was carefree.

There was a sea of strangers in the place, and we also walked a lot. We spent a night and a day there, and we barely had slept but we didn’t really mind. It was a 4/5 experience. Shall I do it again? With the right people, I think, yes!  ★★★★☆ // Related post: My Ati-Atihan Experience 2019

So this guy is my cousins’ baby. He’s sometimes clingy, and often suplado. He’s always quite hurting my skin every time he makes lambing, plus he’s just too heavy.


I really don’t have much to say any more for this entry, so I guess, that’s it. =)



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sincerely, riz