sentiments of an introvert

Saturday, February 23, 2019

i’m not sure if this is good or bad, or if this is just what growing up is all about, but i am just not gaining friends now as much as i do when i was still in school. i get to meet people, i get to interact with them, but they are just not those that i can consider friends. sometimes, i wonder if i am already building my walls too high, but most of the time, i think this is just the right thing.

perhaps, i actually don’t need a lot of friends, but there are times that i get worried about what other people might think of me for not having that much friends. they might think i am not a good person that people don’t wanna make friends with me, but does that even matter? this answer is on me.

these days i am becoming more introverted. i don’t know if i should be alarmed about that, given the fact that i am already in my 20′s a.k.a the "adult-ing" stage. people are expecting that i can already interact with others just like how a normal adult would, but the fact is, i still can’t. i mean, i am already lucky on those days where i get to fake it (talking to people while trying to keep all those awkwardness inside my pocket), but most of the days, i am really just an awkward potato who would prefer staying in the corner than putting myself in the middle and buzz around.

growing up, i’ve always been told that i can’t be successful if i am too shy, and that, i wouldn’t survive in a famine if i am too timid to ask for food. but hey, yes, i am shy, but that doesn’t mean i am dumb enough to let myself die from starving.

it’s just awful that, sometimes, the society doesn’t give enough space for introverts like me. everyone says go out, do this, do that, because if you wouldn’t, then you’re not living your best life, but it’s a lot more awful that i am here, listening to the voice of the society and letting it put me inside a box. while it’s a lot of pressure on me, i am also the one who is allowing to get those pressure inside then letting myself sink.

i just don’t know where to place myself sometimes.

i guess, i just have to silence the voice of this world and listen carefully to what God has been telling me. perhaps, this is all i need. this way, i would know which way to go.



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