Ditching Social Media

Saturday, June 08, 2019

Wow, I overslept today, like really oversleep. It’s been a while since the last time I did. I woke up when it was already past 10AM. For some reason, I slept late last night, which I don’t often do anymore ‘cos I’ve been trying to drop some bad habits as much as I can, but last night was one of those nights where I am not feeling emotionally well. Hmm, let’s just say I was longing for something but I didn’t exactly know what it was so I tried my best to distract myself from it. I watched lotsa Youtube videos until my eyes were already too exhausted to stay open. So yep, I slept again with my phone beside me. Ops.

For the past days or weeks I guess, I've been trying to observe myself, my emotions in particular, as to where the unwanted ones are stemming from. I've been trying to be mindful about the stuff that I do yet I admit, it was never easy cos it was so effortless to slip back into my old ways, which I did, quite a lot of times, tbh, so I thought, if that means the need to let go of some distractions, then I had to. Thus, I deactivated my social media accounts, particularly Facebook (including Messenger), Twitter and Instagram 'cos I just felt like those were the origin of my unproductivity and unwanted sentiments in life.

During the first few days or weeks, I may say, I was completely doing fine. I was feeling pretty great even. I was so in line with making myself better. I was able to take action on those things I used to procrastinate on. I started to develop a life admin system for myself. I was bossing my own life like I'm really owning it. I didn't feel like I needed anything more than those I already have. I stopped caring about what my friends are currently up to. I was just minding my own business, no one else's.  I was waking up not having the feeling of being dragged off for work. I was getting up from bed every morning, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. It really made a difference. I was able to get enough sleep at night, and I was more productive at work. I didn't feel the need to check my phone often while working. I only had it to play some music. I had more quality time with my family. I was able to catch up with them without getting distracted.

I swear that felt extraordinary.

But...

There were also those days where it felt so easy to slip back into my old ways. I was so tempted to reactivate my Facebook account quite a lot of times because I felt like I needed to superficially talk to some people. I was longing for some validation, and when I was already almost 75% on my goal number of days of not having social media, I failed. I reactivated my Facebook account. I posted some quotes as "my day" with some little hope that my friends will notice and hit me up. Well sure, there were a few who did, but guess what, it didn't make any difference. I mean, those who did are still those who were talking to me even when I was away. Now, we know who really matter.

As of right now, my IG and Twitter are still deactivated and I only have a few days left before I can redeem them or they'll be completely gone. Honestly, I am still having some internal debate whether to save them still or just let them be gone forever. Being as introverted as I am, I already grew some attachment with my social media accounts because at some point, at least, it makes me say I have some social life. Also, I have made some memories there. Although it seems ostensible, it makes me feel connected. Maybe that's why no matter how much I go away, I always still find myself going back.

And because I reactivated my Facebook account earlier than I am supposed to, I don't feel satisfied. I don't feel that I have fulfilled its purpose, but on the brighter side, at least I have gained some peace, even just for a little while.

I've done this challenge before and I'm certain, I'm still doing it again soon. I will always do until I am able to make up my mind whether I still need it or not because right now, I am still listening to excuses.

The next time I'm doing this, I need to be clear as to its purpose, and I have to track my progress, so I can really see if it's making any difference. I gotta be better at it the next time around.

Here's to knowing ourselves more, and making ourselves better!



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sincerely,
riz

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sincerely, riz