a rainbow in june

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

i bet nothing could compare to the happiness i've felt when i saw this rainbow one day in june after a rough day at work. a rainbow is a symbol of God's promise and it always, always reminds me that, no matter what, there's hope.

i'm typing down this blog post on the last week of july, pretty much a month late for a june wrap up, but well, i have to say that better late then never. i just don't wanna skip this monthly wrap ups even though i can barely remember anything about last month anymore, except that it was a little stressful work-wise. good thing i have some snaps of my good days which i think i cannot post anywhere else online anymore but this blog.

as i've mentioned, i can barely remember anything in june, but i'm glad i have a few scribbles here and there sharing about my thoughts on a particular day at that month. these thoughts were typed down as they came out so they aren't that filtered, and i also don't wanna bother editing them just because.
i'm kinda slipping back into my old ways. my insecurities are gradually eating me out alive. i'm afraid i might grow old alone. i'm afraid no one will ever love me with all these flaws. they are quite too much. i don't know why i am feeling this way. i need God. certainly. // date unknown, but definitely some day in june
i'm loving this life so much. there's a lot that i enjoy. i wanna go back to the time where i was still in school. i wanna go back to those days when i have more time than i do have now, those times when summer means break and i had more time with my siblings. i wanna go back to those days and never rush. of course, i still have more time now than i'll have tomorrow, but you know this world seems to be spinning faster. in no time, i'll be surprised i'm already 25, but i just want to slow it down a bit. i love this life so much. i don't want to leave this world anytime soon. and i love being young. // date also unknown, but of course this was also some day in june
one of our biggest clients sounds like disengaging, and i find this a little terrifying. this makes me realize how things could only be temporary. God provides. God knows what is better. i know God will never abandon me so there's nothing to be terrified about. God knows how much i don't wanna lose my job but His plans will always be so much greater than mine so i trust in Him. this just makes me ask myself, "what would i do if i lose my current job?" everything in the future is terrifying because we'll never know what can happen. however, fear not because God is with us. // 14th of june
maybe it's me who can't get them but it's disappointing when they talk so much behind someone's back yet act nicely in front of that person. i mean, i quite get them, but i think that's already too much. // 8th of june
and yeah, june, oh june. this was in this month when there were some tensions in the office, and that was really stressful on my part. i felt like i needed to be very cautious not to take sides. i had to guard myself and not let other people influence a decision that i needed to make. i had to speak up. it was a challenge for me at some point. there were days that i was too anxious to go to work. i was getting up some mornings not wanting to go to the office, and just wishing to work from home. aaahhh, that was really difficult, but at this point in time, i think, things at work are now going fine. i am nervous yet excited of what is yet to come, and i am just praying for the strength to be able to overcome whatever and come out stronger and braver and better.

also, i had some pretty eventful days this prior month.

i started going on a run with my cousins, but quite unfortunately it lasted for only a week or two, because it started raining on the afternoons. sadly, that's some excuse again. :( but then, at least, we tried.

this was when we invited ate alma, my aunt and my mom's supervisor from manila, for a run. we were all so ready, yet it rained really hard, and guess what, we ended up eating instead of running. lol. we gained some calories instead of burning 'em.

as shared in this post, i ate out for dinner with mom and ate alma.

treated mom for a dinner again beside the beach. she messaged me that she wasn't emotionally well and was going through some stress at work, so i invited her to eat out so we could talk about anything and everything. mom is going through a lot of stress at work. mine is very petty if you compare it with hers, and i am so proud of her for still standing strong. although, we argue a lot even on the little things, i still love her to bits! she has done grand things for me so i can be where i am right now, sacrificed things that was supposed to be for herself, and this time, that i am now able to earn my own dime, it's time to give her some dinner that she deserves. this is not even 1% of everything that she has done to me, and i can't even pay her back enough, but the important thing for me is to  make time for her.

my mom and her office mates went out for a dinner (yes, it's a dinner again) after work, and she invited me to go with her. i was already almost home, but i didn't want to say no, and it was her treat this time, so i rode a jeepney, then a tricycle, and met them at city mall. we ate at oriental kitchen and availed their chinese cuisine. the staff who assisted us is so nice and accommodating, and she made the place less intimidating for us, or at least for me (because, yes, i find the place intimidating 'cos it's like a place where rich people dine in lol).

we visited mambu rise resort in batan, aklan, and that was one getaway that i never thought i needed. it's a little far from our place, and basically far from the noise of the city. the signal was a little scarce, too! the resort ain't that big, but it's such a go-to if you wanna disconnect and just stare at the waves.

i actually compiled some video clips i took during our short stay in the resort and topped it with some *cringe-y* voice over. i uploaded it in my little youtube channel.

and hooray! i finally have a paperback copy of mark mason's the subtle art of not giving a f*ck plus his book about hope, everything is f*cked: a book about hope. i used to not buy actual books because i can barely afford them, but now that i am already earning my own, i want to build a library. the problem is, i don't have an extra room for it at home. hmmm? i'll make one some day! for now, i just want to be mindful of my book purchases since i don't have much space for them. and of course, financial-wise, i can't spend a lot on them just yet.

and that's a wrap!



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