the sunday currently | it's been a while

Sunday, June 14, 2020


oh, it's been awhile since the last time i did a sunday currently entry of some sort. i am not sure, though, if a sunday currently type of entry is even currently visible in this blog 'cos i still have most of the entries here in private. the past entries are from tumblr, so they need some few fixes still (i am manually transferring them from there to here), then i can put them in public soon. no one cares anyway, but i just have to mention that.

so currently, i am....

READING

i am reading my old blog entries when i was still in tumblr, and some of the stuff... i can't believe i have written them. as i was reading through, i can feel how comfortable i was to share to no one in a particular what i actually felt back then. it seems to be so freeing. i remember how tumblr saved me back in those days. i've learned so much from that platform. i discovered a lot in myself. i gained friends, and that's where i got most of the motivation and inspiration to create, to write, and to share my two cents.

on another note, i am trying to finish the atomic habits by this month. i don't read it everyday, but when i do, i read it actively. by that, i mean, i have my pen and notebook in hand to write down notes. it's a great read, so far. i only have the pdf copy of it since i don't want to splurge on a physical book right now (i'm trying to minimize  my spendings as well as the things i own), that's why i'm writing down notes on a separate notebook.

WRITING

admittedly, i have been in a writer's block for sooooooo long now. i haven't recovered since. i'm trying to write stuff every now and then, but i don't find them to be one of my ~writings~. most of the time, i'm only writing to get things off my chest. and actually, writing down this blog post is just another shot at it.

LISTENING

at this very moment, i am listening to the karaoke sesh of the guys from the neighborhood, but pretty recently, i have been replaying taylor swift's song, "ours," over and over again. "so don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine." i have this last song syndrome over that song for weeks now, particularly that very line. lol. also,  my heart is in a good place right now, so i might as well share this playlist i've created in spotify to spread some happy hearts in the atmosphere hehe =)

THINKING

i have been thinking of a lot of things lately. so much has been happening. i wonder where this current situation could take us. how long would this pandemic last? what's in store for us in the future? this world is gradually changing. we are now in a "new normal." also, i am not in  my fullest potential right now. what am i gonna do? where will life take me? how far will my recent decisions would go? aaahhh, there's a lot inside my head right now. too many questions with answers that i am yet to find. i need to remind myself to stop overthinking, talk to God, trust and have faith in Him. i need to talk to God.

HOPING

i am hoping for strength and courage -- strength to go on and courage to fight. 2020 has been a difficult year for all of us by far. we're only in the first half of the year, and it's been too much already. i hope the coming days will be better. i hope we will all be more understanding and cooperative. i hope the good will overweigh the bad. i hope. i really do hope so.

NEEDING

i need to talk to God and i badly need to pick myself up once more. quite frankly, my weekends have been so lazy these days. i've been living inside my head while my actual life is quite in a mess. i haven't even had a  money date in a while now, and money date, for me, is basically just a time i spend with myself to tackle my finances. i actually talked about how i do it in this entry. so right now, after i publish this one, i need to do my weekly reset (i might talk more about this in one of the blog posts that are yet to come) and write in my journal. these are my first two steps in picking myself up.

FEELING

can't deny that i am currently feeling ~meh~ as of the moment, and i actually just gave myself a little more push to start this blog post in hopes to find some drive to do a few things that i've been needing to do over the weekend. also, at the same time, i am feeling grateful and blessed for having a mom who cooks so well. she cooked batchoy for us earlier today and aaaahhhh, i’m not being biased, but it's one of the bests! it's been years since the last time she cooked batchoy (she used to sell them back in the days when she had a little carinderia for a living) and i actually didn't expect that it would taste so good! okay, i think, i can now stop getting/eating batchoy outside. yes, i'm serious.

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this sunday currently entry is actually a life-saver whenever i want to post yet don't have any draft ready to publish. lol. who else can relate?

so uhm, how are you? how did your sunday go? have you had a long weekend? what are your plans for this coming week? what are you currently feeling on this sunday night?

i hope you're having some decent rest over there, wherever you are.

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sincerely,
riz


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P.S.

the sunday currently is originally a blog link-up by Lauren of siddathornton (only i removed a few bullets hehe)

things i did and haven't done in quarantine

Sunday, June 07, 2020


i'm typing this down from scratch for the second time around. the first time i did, i lost everything after accidentally clicking a wrong button. i really do hope we can retrieve draft history here in blogger. who else shares this same hope? after all, we are humans who make mistakes (lots of it) and being quite careless sometimes to end up clicking a wrong button is one of those. lol. i should have used google doc to type down a draft, but i didn't and right now i'm doing it. i can't get a little frustrated again for losing a draft that is already almost done. let's just hope i can word things out a little better this time around.

anyway, i'd just like to pick things up from where i left off two months ago. if you were here, i made a list of things to do to calm my nerves amid this chaotic world that we are currently in, and i thought, maybe i'd better make an update on how i'm doing with it -- which of them i have achieved and to which i quite fell off. let's see!

#1 i’m going to journal. freely. i’ll let my heart out. i’m frustrated, mad, sad, worried, insecure, lost. i’ll let these all out before they consume my entire being.

i did. i wrote down my frustrations, my anger, my fears. i finally put them down on paper. i might have not put them all out, but i wrote down most of them. i wrote a number of letters to God. i cried my heart out on the once empty pages and filled them in. it somehow saved me. it gave me an opportunity to physically see those thoughts that has been consuming my entire being. i quite pondered upon them. i allowed myself to feel. i let go of the judgment. i realize i have to stop repressing my emotions just because they ain't positive and don't seem right. i am human after all and it's okay to feel. i always have to remind myself, it's okay to feel.

#2 i’m gonna brain dump. write down every to-do list that i can think of, groceries list and all other things that i should buy after this whole lockdown. i’m gonna list down sub-tasks for my bedroom makeover project. i gotta create tons of lists, they may be necessary or not. i just need to put them down onto paper to free my head. i need to free myself.

i haven't done this one. i mean, journaling was already some sort of brain dumping, but i still have a lot of to-do's, to-buy's and to check-out's hanging at the back of my mind. my head still ain't clear. maybe after i publish this entry, i have to grab a piece of paper and put them on a list. i just have to. my mind ain't a tray that can collect and collect and collect. or it could be, but i have to empty it out somehow to have some room for some new stuff.

#3 i’ll disconnect and go on with my days without checking instagram, twitter, and facebook. i’ll temporarily cut everyone off. yes, emphasis on "temporarily." i’m basically tired of everyone else’s shizz. i need some time off. just a week and i’ll be back. i just need to save myself.

i did this only for a week. i quite have some time for myself. i enjoyed some quiet nights where i don't have to get bombarded by the junks on social media. it felt good. i have always been the kind with some love/hate relationship with my social media accounts that my friends are not anymore surprised if i disappear and they already know where to reach me. i've been back in this crazy and chaotic hole of social media again and i actually found myself more active now than i was few months ago, but don't worry, i think i can't hesitate to leave once things get a little too poisonous for me again. after all, there's nothing to miss out. things will still be there later, and if i can never see the things i haven't seen, then maybe i am not supposed to see them anyway. and if you, yes you, have been pondering whether to take a little break from social media or not, then you may take this as a sign. here's me reminding you to  not be afraid to take a break. it's good. i promise you, it's good.

#4 i’ll go a week without checking my phone first off in the morning and will also stop bringing it to bed. i’ll stop checking my phone. i’ll stop waiting for a text. it hurts my eyes. it’s unhealthy. i don’t want it to continue screwing me off (or maybe just for a little while at least).

this became much easier when i stopped going through social medica for awhile, so yep, tried to simultaneously do this along with number #3 above. it actually makes a big difference when i don't start my day with my phone in my hand. i don't eventually get reactive, i get to have more done in the morning, and i tend to be a little more productive throughout the day. also, i can get more sleep 'cos i don't have to stay up so late at night with my phone in my hand while the lights are already off and everyone has fallen asleep already. i'm trying to make this a habit already, but i must admit, it's difficult because i easily get tempted to just lie down with my phone after a long day until i fall asleep, but i'm working on it. i really am trying to work on it.

#5 i’m gonna finish a book. i’ve never finished even one book so far this year and it’s already the end of the first quarter. maybe it’s now time to do so. just one. only one.

alright, i finally finished a book this year so far. it's good vibes, good life by vex king. it's a light and easy read and i love the insights. i actually made the committment to finally finish it when i was having some hard time dealing with my emotions and was enduring a bruised heart. can't deny that i'm having some difficult times these days when it comes to managing my emotions which, in return, has taken a toll on my productivity. i am still in this internal battle, but i am trying to work on this. slowly. one step at a time. anyway, the next book i'm trying to finish right now is the atomic habits by james clear.

#6 i’ll go out and spend some time under the sun. maybe climb a hill nearby. take photos. leave my phone. reconnect with nature. it’s much needed.

yey! i was actually happy when we climb the hill nearby with my sister, my cousins, and my mom. it felt good to have been able to sweat so much and exposed my morena skin under the sun. perharps i gotta do this one a little bit more. once a month will do for now, maybe.

#7 i’ll create something. that may be a blog post, a video blog or whatever, i just have to create something.

okay, i think i can consider this as something i haven't done. i was planning to finish a video which is basically just a compilation of short and random clips i took during the first quarter of the year. i have started it already but i stopped working on it while not even halfway through. hmm... maybe i'll try to finish it by the end of this month. let's see!

#8 i’ll cook at least one dish. i’m twenty-four and i still don’t know how to cook. maybe it's now high time to learn.

hmm. i never have done this and i don't think i will anytime soon. i included this one in the list because it feels like it's something i really need to learn because that's what people say, "girls should know how to cook." and that it's pretty much what everyone else is doing and trying to learn while on lockdown, but i suppose i gotta put it off for now. cooking is not something i personally enjoy. it feels so much of a chore for me. i am not a fan, but nope don't get me wrong. i am still very open to learning it, of course, who wouldn't be, but maybe i just wouldn't do it too soon -- not when i just thought of doing it just because everyone else has been doing it. a random fun fact, though: i won a cooking contest during a nutrition month celebration when i was in fourth grade (those who grew up in a public school could probably relate). i cooked my favorite dishes, pinakbet and ampalaya with egg! my mom is a good cook and she was my coach at that time. i did it for the grades. lol.

#9 i’ll dance. even if i don’t know how to. even if i look crazy. i’ll dance. i need to move my body. i need to enjoy some quick moments with myself and be crazy. freely. with no judgment. at all.

oh gosh... it feels so good to just dance my nerves away when no one's watching and with no judgment at all. lol. i am pretty much doing this every now and then, whenever i want to, and every time i feel like i need to cheer myself up. you must try it out! don't judge yourself =)

#10 i will take time for myself. reconnect. recenter my values. it’s been a while and i feel like i don’t know myself anymore. i need to befriend her once again and make her feel loved and appreciated. i need to be secure even if i'm just by myself. i can’t depend my security on someone or something else, because that, my friends, is not security. never it will be. things and people are temporary. we’ll never exactly know when is their time to leave. now, i gotta learn how to do all these without building my walls too high -- without distancing myself too much. i’m not yet sure how, but i will. i need to.

huh, nope, i haven't done this yet. it's a little too difficult to start. i basically just don't know how and where to begin. but i know, i shall do this the soonest possible. i am quite losing who i actually am. if i won't do this, i might find myself easily gets swayed by the beliefs and opinions of other people, and that, my friend, is quite alarming. may i know how often you do this one? how do you do it?

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and yeah, i'm happy that i am able to check back on this list. how about you, how are you? like really how are you? how have you been doing these days? how are you coping up? i hope you don't forget to take care of yourself and make yourself a priority.

also, i just have to mention that i am pleased and blissful of the current look of my blog. okay. this is the last time i'm changing my blog's look this year (i hope lol).

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sincerely,
riz

sincerely, riz