i skipped work today

Monday, March 15, 2021


it's monday and i skipped work because i’m feeling unwell. well... mostly emotionally. i mean, i feel sluggish and lazy. i don’t want to do anything. it feels like i am not doing enough in life. i am not achieving anything anymore.

yesterday, i spent almost the whole day in bed -- sleeping, watching netflix and pretty much just doing nothing.

i was supposed to have another 3pm meeting at that time but i wished that it’ll be cancelled and it was granted. maybe i shall thank the heavy rains that afternoon but the lightning and loud thunder were terrifying. and so i spent my afternoon sleeping.

and oh, how i hate stalking people on social media but idk why i still do it every now and then, only to put myself in a  miserable spot where my insecurities are at its peak. and then, i end up seeing everything that is not right in me. awful. i shall stop. help!

this is mainly the reason why i got rid of social media apps on my phone, but i still check them sometimes when i open my laptop. especially on weekends. because of this, i want to leave social media for good like really disappear and never come back, but i can’t tell why i keep on putting it off. what’s wrong? what do i fear of? missing out? well... maybe?

i actually am uncomfortable sharing a photo of myself whenever i'm feeling miserable (just like today), but i shouldn't let the dark thoughts win this time. and oh, i think i must include this quote from Pope Francis that i saw just now as soon as i opened facebook on my laptop:
you can have flaws, be anxious, and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. only you can stop it from going bust. many appreciate you, admire you and love you.
you can find the entire post here. it's worth the read, i guarantee!

anyway, today, i continued watching chesapeake shores (i started it yesterday as recommended by my cousin). i’m on the 5th episode  now and i like it. i like shows like this one. i like the story. it revolves mostly around a family, and as soft as i am when it comes to people dearest to me, i’ve cried quite a few times already.

then, i had the time to cleanup my asana. i wrote down the lists on a yellow paper and deleted them from there. maybe i would like to start a clean slate. also, i deleted my old goodreads account that i never updated in ages and created a new one. i’m planning to get back in the reading grind. it’s something i have dropped off for years. i pick up a book at times, but i rarely finish one. i was never consistent at it. this time, i have set a goal to read at least seven books this year. what’s with seven, you may ask? uhm, nothing. it’s just my favorite number. that’s also the day when i had my first (and current boyfriend). but that’s a story for another time. spoiler alert: it wasn’t a smooth ride.

i am currently re-reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, by the way. i don’t mind reading it over and over again. it’s definitely one of my favorite books.

i am supposed to write on my journal right now, but i’m putting it off until i get dinner. i’m already hungry. my stomach is growling. and i’m waiting for a family member to knock at my door and tell me that dinner’s ready. yes, at twenty-five, i still don’t prepare my own meals. i’m still pretty dependent with what’s being served on the family’s dining table every time. i was never pressured to learn how to cook. this is why i also never bothered to try. but i want to learn already. maybe i shall try it this year.

okay, someone’s knocking already. it’s dinner time, i assume. so see ya on the next entry. ciao!

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sincerely,
riz

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